


Dragging You Down With Backflips

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Claudia Stilinski Memories, Derek Hale is a Softie, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Romantic Gestures, Sterek Week 2019, Stereklyrics5, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Stiles' dream has always been to travel the world. To explore and see things the way his mom always talked about. What he's not counting on is falling in love with his best friend, making the decision to leave that much harder.





	Dragging You Down With Backflips

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 2 of Sterek Week: Lyrics and Quotes. Title and lyrics come from [I Know I'm Not The Only One](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGjAfZMgSUg) by Tegan and Sara. Ever since I heard the line "You'll be good to me, but you're not my dream" I knew I had to do something, and this was the result.

_You'll be good to me, but you're not my dream_  
_ You'll lose me to places, places I have never been_  
_ The way we were, the way that you held my hand_  
_ For you, I will try so hard, still, I will let you down_

For as long as Stiles can remember his one big dream has always been to travel the world. To write and take pictures, documenting it anyway he can. To just live his life out there exploring and seeing all these different places. He knows it started when he was a kid. He used to sit with his mom and look at pictures of her travels when she was just out of high school, back before she started college. She’d always looked so happy and at peace. Stiles had wanted the same thing.

Something he’d told her. She’d smiled and patted his cheek and told him to never give up on that dream, no matter what. He deserved it.

After she died Stiles became even more determined. Nothing was going to stop him from going out there and seeing the world. Nothing.

He just wasn’t counting on falling in love with Derek Hale.

They’ve been best friends since they were kids. Their moms were best friends and it made sense for them to always be together. Even after his mom died they stayed close. Derek was one of the first people Stiles confided in about his plans. He’s always been supportive and understanding, telling Stiles he knows he’s going to get there.

So it’s a surprise when one day they’re sitting in Derek’s room working on homework and Stiles looks at him and feels this longing in his gut. This desire to be closer. To kiss him. When Derek looks up and smiles at him, all soft and crooked, the feeling grows. He’s moving before he can stop himself, fitting his lips to Derek’s. At first it’s awkward and a little off balance, but then Derek’s hand comes up to the back of his neck and steadies him. He pulls him closer and kisses him with such softness and tenderness. 

It’s not something Stiles is used to. All his other kisses have only had one purpose. A mutual attraction leading to release. No feelings. No attachments. It was easy.

But it’s different with Derek. Even when Stiles tries to tell himself it’s just going to be sex. He should have known better. Not just because Derek’s his best friend and he could never use him like that, but because of the way he feels. It’s more intimate. More intense. Softer than any of the other times he’s had sex. And of course it is. It’s Derek. 

Derek who, despite his gruff exterior, is a big softie. Who loves fiercely, but also with a gentleness no one would expect. 

When Derek whispers his “I love you’s” against his skin, Stiles fights the urge to cry. He doesn’t succeed. He can tell by the way Derek kisses his face, murmuring out soft reassurances, telling him how amazing he is. Stiles can only kiss him and hold on, letting himself feel things he never thought he would. Not for another person.

He only says the words in the darkness, when he’s sure Derek has fallen asleep. His arm is thrown across Stiles’ waist and his head is resting on his chest, right over his heart. His breathing is even and his body relaxed. He looks so peaceful like this. Stiles cards his fingers through his hair and kisses his head. “I love you.”

Derek snuggles closer with a sigh of contentment, but he doesn’t say anything. He goes lax in his arms, and Stiles closes his eyes. He hates himself a little bit. For letting both of them fall, knowing that in a few months he’s going to be leaving this place and the people here behind. Now he’s wondering how he’s supposed to leave Derek behind. Especially now. 

Leaving was supposed to be a fresh start for him. But how can it be when his heart is going to be here with Derek?

* * *

**4 Months Later**

"I know you're leaving soon," Derek says, trailing his fingers across Stiles' bare back. Stiles knows what he's doing. He's trailing a pattern between his moles that only he can see, like he's done so many times before. Sometimes it's with his fingers, sometimes his lips. There are times when it's simply with his gaze. 

"Do we have to talk about this now?" Stiles asks. He rolls onto his back and looks up at Derek, gaze pleading. He's been putting off this conversation ever since they fell into bed together all those months ago. 

It felt easier if they didn't talk about it. Easier to allow Derek to be close. To kiss him, hold his hand, do all the things a boyfriend would do. Stiles does the same. He's not a total asshole. Derek knows he cares. 

But he also knows this isn't permanent. 

Stiles thought that putting off talking about it would make it easier. That they could have this little bit of happiness without the inevitability of him leaving hanging over them. It's selfish. He knows that. 

But it's better than talking about it and risking Derek asking him to stay, or worse, offering to wait. Stiles knows he will. Derek's his best friend on top of his boyfriend. He knows him better than anyone. 

Which is why he's been putting it off. He loves Derek so much. It took him a week before he could say the words when Derek was awake to hear them. Derek always knew, of course. But he also deserved to hear them and know that no matter what happens this was real. He doesn't want to hurt him. But he knows there's pain at the end of this for both of them. 

"Where's your head at?" Derek asks him. 

Stiles sighs, "You know where, and it's all your fault."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a serious conversation about our relationship before you leave the damn country Stiles."

Stiles groans, "I know that! But can't you just give me more time before…"

"Before what?" Derek questions. 

"Before I break your heart!"

Derek is silent for a moment. He looks at him, gaze assessing. Stiles isn't sure what he's looking for, or if he finds it. He looks away, lowering his head to look at his hands, which are now gripping the sheets. Probably in an effort not to reach for him. Stiles misses his touch already.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" Derek's voice is soft but steady. 

That's a lot more than Stiles can say for himself. He feels like he's breaking. Which is what he deserves. He can feel the tears stinging at his eyes but he tries to keep them at bay. "I don't know how long I'm going to be gone."

"I'd wait for you," Derek says. And there it is. The offer hurts as much as Stiles thought it would. As does the pain in his voice that he can no longer hold back. 

"It could be years, Der." Stiles covers his hand with his own, relieved when he doesn't pull back. "I can't ask that of you, and I know. I know you're offering, but it wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve to be happy."

"You make me happy," Derek says. He lifts his eyes to meet his. They're red rimmed and wet with unshed tears. It's only a matter of time before they're both crying. 

"I love you," Stiles tells him. "I love you enough to let you go."

Derek closes his eyes, the tears falling freely now. Stiles reaches for him, pulling him into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know," Derek whispers. "I'm sorry too."

A few days later Stiles stands in his room, his suitcase at his feet. He looks around, taking in the room, knowing it could be a very long time before he saw it again. He’ll visit sure, but it won’t be the same. He probably won’t be the same.

He hears movement at the door and turns his head to see Derek standing there, looking unsure with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Stiles says. His feet move him closer and into the solid warmth of Derek’s arms. “I didn’t know you would come.”

“Of course I did,” Derek says, running his hands down Stiles’ back. “I couldn’t let you leave the country for who knows how long without seeing you one last time.”

Stiles looks up at him. He looks calm. Calmer than he was a few nights ago when Stiles had broken up with him and broke his own heart in the process. He knows it’s just Derek trying to be strong, letting Stiles know that he accepts his decision. Which is a relief. He doesn’t think he could handle more tears. Not when he already feels like crying.

“What times your flight?” Derek asks.

“4:30,” Stiles tells him. “We’re about to leave.”

“I could come with you,” Derek offers. “See you off.”

Stiles shakes his head, “No. Not that I don’t want you there. It’s just… I think it would be too hard. Leaving you is already hard enough.”

“It’s your dream, Stiles,” Derek reminds him. “I understand you can’t give that up.”

_But I don’t want to give you up either_, Stiles thinks. He hates himself the thought. It’s selfish. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s not killing me to leave you,” Stiles says. 

“I know,” Derek sighs. He pulls him closer and rests his chin on Stiles’ head. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Stiles says. He allows himself to enjoy the warmth and security of Derek’s arms, knowing that in a few minutes he’s going to have to leave here. Leave him. “I hope you’re ready for a shit ton of postcards.”

Derek chuckles, “I have a scrapbook waiting for them.”

“You would,” Stiles says. He pulls back again, looking up at Derek. Derek leans down and rests his forehead against Stiles’. “Would it be incredibly selfish of me to want to kiss you right now?”

“Not if I want to kiss you,” Derek says.

Stiles isn’t sure who moves first, but the next moment their lips are meeting in a tender kiss. It’s reminiscent of their first kiss, shared all those months ago. Stiles holds Derek tight, kissing him like his life depends on it. He needs him to know, needs him to understand that he still loves him.

“Stiles we need to go,” his dad calls from downstairs.

Stiles sighs and reluctantly pulls back. He brushes his fingers gently across Derek’s cheek and smiles sadly. “Be happy, Der.”

Derek covers his hand and squeezes, “You too, Stiles.”

Derek lets go and moves back, allowing Stiles to walk by with his suitcase. His dad is waiting downstairs by the door. “Got everything?”

Stiles nods, “Yep. ID, passport, suitcase, phone. Everything.”

“Underwear?” 

Stiles sighs, “Yes, Dad. I packed underwear.”

“You can never be too sure,” his dad said. “I don’t want you in a foreign country having to track down underwear because you forgot to pack them.”

“I assure you they’re in there with anything else,” Stiles says. He looks over at Derek to find him smiling. “It isn’t funny.”

“It’s a little funny,” Derek says.

Stiles sighs, “Whatever. Let’s go. I don’t want to miss my flight.”

His dad takes his bag without comment and brings it to the car. Stiles is left standing on the sidewalk with Derek. Now that he’s here, he’s not sure how he’s supposed to do this, how he’s supposed to say goodbye to him?

It’s not really goodbye, he knows that. They’ll see each other again. But will it be the same? Will Derek have met someone else that can love him and give him what Stiles can’t? He doesn’t want to think about that.

He puts his arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. “Bye Der.”

“Not goodbye,” Derek tells him. 

“What is it then?” Stiles questions.

Derek shrugs, “Until next time?”

Stiles laughs and kisses him quickly, knowing it could be the last time. “Until next time.”

Turning his back on Derek and walking towards the car is one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. He hesitates by the door and looks back to see Derek still standing there, watching him. He nods, giving him a sad smile. It’s the signal Stiles needs. He gets in the car and buckles his seatbelt. Derek’s still standing there as they start to drive away, his hand raised. Stiles keeps his gaze fixed on him in the side mirror for as long as he can, until they turn a corner, and he can’t see him anymore.

Only then does Stiles cry. He squeezes his eyes shut against the sting of tears. His dad reaches over and pats his leg. The only real comfort he can offer from behind the wheel. “It’ll be okay, son.”

Stiles wants to believe him. He has to believe he’s made the right choice. Otherwise what the hell is he doing? 

* * *

Stiles loves traveling. He loves the freedom of being able to go anywhere he wants. Of staying however long he chooses in certain towns and cities. Sometimes it’s a day or two, other times it’s longer. It depends on what he’s getting from the place. He always lingers in the ones he finds most inspiring, and the ones his mom had mentioned being her favorite. 

In a way it makes him feel closer to her. He’s able to see these places and discover just what she always loved about them when she was here. He takes a bunch of pictures and writes about his journey. It’s nice. It’s everything he hoped it would be.

What he wasn’t expecting was how lonely it could get. Sure, he knew he was traveling alone, but he expected to always be busy. To always have something to do or see. While he is kept fairly busy, there are still times when he’s alone at whatever place he’s staying at and he’s sit with a wave of homesickness. He doesn’t call home as often as he would like. He doesn’t want to think about what his phone bill would look like if he did. But he does often enough. He talks to his dad a lot, letting him know where he is and that he’s safe. He talks to Derek too. Not as often as they used to, though. 

It didn’t hit him until he was halfway to London that this was going to be the longest he’s ever been away from Derek since they were kids. They always did everything together. Except this. This Stiles is doing alone. 

He finds himself thinking of Derek a lot. Especially when he takes tours through old cities and learns about their history. He writes a lot about that, knowing that Derek would love to hear about it all. It makes him wish he was here. 

Which is impossible, Stiles knows. Derek is busy at college. He’s going to be a lawyer and take over his mom’s law firm. He can’t just fuck off to a different country on a whim just because Stiles wants him to. It’s the only reason Stiles hadn’t asked. He didn't want to ask Derek to put off his own dream just for him. That wouldn’t be fair. 

Stiles frowns at the sound of a knock on his door. The only person that even knows the address of the house he’s renting is his dad, and Stiles knows that as much as he loves him he’s not about to travel all the way to Ireland on a whim. 

It could always be someone stuck out in the storm and looking for shelter, Stiles supposes. Which doesn’t do much to ease his worry. He’s seen enough horror movies to know better than to let a stranger into his house. But still, something has Stiles walking to the door. He hesitates with a hand on the knob before opening it a crack. 

He sucks in a sharp breath at what he sees. Standing in front of him, soaked to the bone, is the last person Stiles ever thought he’d see. He’s opening the door and throwing himself into his arms before he can think about it. Not caring about the rain now beating down on him. “Derek.”

Derek’s arms come up and wrap around him, “Hey Stiles.”

“What are you doing here?” Stiles asks, pulling back enough to look at him.

Derek smiles, and brushes the wet hair back from his face. “I know your dream has always been to travel, but umm… do you think there’s any place for me in it?”

“What?" Stiles' heart is pounding in his chest. Not just because of Derek standing here in front of him after so many months apart, but his. Ones that spark a bit of hope inside of him. "What do you mean?”

“I mean, I want to come with you,” Derek says. “I know you had this whole fresh start thing planned, and if that’s what you want, I understand. But I love you, Stiles. I want to be with you. See all these new places with you. Just be with you. If you’ll have me.”

“But college,” Stiles says. “You’re supposed to take over the law firm.”

Derek shakes his head, “Laura can do that. It’s what she always wanted. I have a new dream. I have for a while.”

“And what’s that?”

“You.”

Stiles kisses him, it’s wet and messy, and he’s pretty sure both of them are crying, but he doesn’t care. Derek is here. He’s standing in fucking Ireland, in the middle of a rainstorm, telling him he loves him and wants to be here with him, and if that isn’t the most romantic shit Stiles has ever experienced in his life, he doesn't know what is. 

“Of course I will,” Stiles whispers. “I love you, too.”

They stand there, their foreheads pressed together, grinning at each other as the rain continues to pour around them. It’s Derek that breaks the silence that has fallen over them. “Do you think we can take this inside? I don’t want to ruin our travels by both of us catching a cold.”

Stiles laughs and pulls back. He grabs Derek’s hand and walks them backwards into the house. Derek kicks the door shut and peels off his shirt. Stiles raises an eyebrow. “That eager to get undressed?”

“That eager to get out of my soaking wet clothes,” Derek says. He kicks off his shoes and slowly approaches Stiles. Stiles grins when Derek’s hands move to the hem of his shirt and he raises his arms, helping him pull it off him. They stand there for a moment, just watching each other. 

Then they're moving, like magnets unable to fight the pull towards the other. Not that Stiles wants to. He's tired of fighting. They cling to each other, their hands trailing across the bodies that are now almost as familiar to them as their own, as their lips meet in searing kisses. 

They fall together easily, as if they haven’t spent months apart. It’s familiar in the same way it’s different. This time Stiles knows it’s not temporary. That this is something he can have. That he can keep.

Stiles’ dream might be to travel the world and see new places, but no one ever said he had to do it alone. In fact, he knows his mom is probably happy to know that Derek is here with him. Both of them building their new dream, together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day ♥  
[My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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